I didn't want to go to her house. It was just too embarrassing knowing what the book contained. It scared me that she would discover how it had gotten me sexually excited. I really didn't want to do it.Mrs. Jones had always seemed to be somewhat stern and solemn in the classroom, but my uneasiness was related directly to that book, because she already must know that I was aware of the "dirty" stuff and would surely find out about my own pecadillos (i.e., jacking off) while reading it or so I worried. But, now her demeanor seemed to have changed and she didn't sound threatening at all. Still, in order to get out of there, I agreed to meet her after school. I would figure out how to get out of that later.For the rest of the day, I thought about how I could tell the teacher that I had to go home because of my chores, etc. But, because I had been raised to be honest, knew I could never pull off a lie with anybody. Finally, I resolved to go through with it, but would try my best to make. The girls decided that I would need at least three showers that day and that each would help ‘wash my back.’ I asked Mary about her life between her divorce and now. She explained that this was John’s home area and that her family had lived at the other end of the state. ‘Before the divorce most of my friends were from the church with a few others which began as business ties. With the divorce the story spread through the church. I told no one so it must have been John. John was embarrassed that the story got out at the church so my guess is that he told a few really good friends in confidence but the story was seen as too good, too juicy not to tell. One result of this was that I was made very uncomfortable at church. Two much married men in the church made passes at me – they got nowhere. With the divorce I went to the minister for support but all I got was the advice to pray for forgiveness, but he said it in a way which implied that I should not expect any. I stopped going to.
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